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Dear God, I Hate Myself

by Xiu Xiu

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1.
Gray Death 02:56
Beat beat me to death i said it Beat beat me to death Grey death beat me Jimmy is begging If you are expecting consolation I will become outrageous If you expect me to be outrageous I will be extra outrageous Chew the corner off your mouth You have never liked the taste Beat beat me to death i said it Beat beat me to death Grey death beat me Jimmy is crying You were beautiful when i loved you My little bank robbing boy You were beautiful when i lost you Like whip covered in pins and glue When will it end oh when will it end This sopping wet towel of stupidity Supplicated to the fawn Fold back my pajama sleeves Take a look at what i have done You can protect nothing Beat beat me to death i said it Beat beat me to death Grey death beat me Jimmy is in flames Beat beat me to death i said it Beat beat me to death Jimmy is aborted
2.
Chocolate makes you happy And it keeps you awake As you unbutton Your top pants button Bewildered by the pain oh oh oh Chocolate makes you happy As you deign to sing along When you thrust two fingers Down your throat and Wash away what's wrong Oh oh oh Out of your mind with happiness Incredibly dumb, incredibly ugly To have die the one you await for All that you sign all that you sign And wait for Out of your mind with whorishness Incredibly young, incredibly filthy Oh to curse both your life and death Oh to curse life, oh to curse life And death! Chocolate makes you happy And it keeps you awake As you unbutton Your top pants button Bewildered by the pain oh oh oh Chocolate makes you happy Like a credit to the race As you ruminate in the arms of coco On the fatness of your face Out of you mind with slavishness Rough close and cold Rough close and cold To have die that one you await for All that you sign, blush, wish and pray for Out of you mind embarrassment Out of you mind Out of your mind Out of your mind out of Chocolate makes you happy And it keeps you awake As you unbutton Your elaborate garter Bewildered by desire
3.
An apple for a brain A bee for a best man A panda is yourself And you holding Butter's hand Oh yeah yeah yeah When and why is it us? Bearing thy cross of shame Lu lu lu lu lu Lu lu lu lu lu Sha la la la la la la Sha la la la la la la So hideous for a boy So hideous on a boy I wanted to forget So ugly for a boy Dispraise for what i am A cartoon with no friends Oh yeah yeah yeah Lu lu lu lu lu Lu lu lu lu lu Sha la la la la la la Sha la la la la la la When and why is it us? Bearing thy cross of shame So hideous for a boy So hideous on a boy I wanted to forget Pandapple spoke to me Pandapple called my name So ugly for a boy
4.
Defrock human No one stole you Day light murder From your front room Distilled violent Keep safe Please God! I got away pedophile I made it into my own little Christian school Flung far thy serial will to kill I got away i got away Drip drip spatter Sparkle glasses Decayed panties Grow up and be good! I got away lustmord I made it into my own little Sacramento Flung far thy thick unconvertible need I got away i got away I got away pedophile I made it into my own little Christian school Flung far thy serial will to kill I got away i got away I got out Richard Chase I made it to my pink and padlocked door Flung far your thirst to destroy me I got away i got away
5.
Reading law at your desk Praying for your parents They are so proud of this You are working so hard All alone at your desk Obligated to free them Labor concern as a good girl You curse the night that is calling Labor in doubt as a good girl Seo seo seo seo Seo seo seo seo seo Love to diaspora De life en le valley oh oh oh oh oh You are working so hard Sitting still at your desk Pusan weighing upon you Fending off all distress Glitter for your parents Hoping in discount clothing Seo seo seo Seo seo seo Seo seo seo Seo seo seo Finding the slacks you will fit in Wearing the shoes that you'll look good in Overwhelmed at your desk Weeping for your parents They are so proud of this Shining in ambition All alone all alone all alone
6.
despair will hold a place in my heart a bigger one that you do do do and i will always be nicer to the cat than i am to you you you you dear God, i hate myself dear God, i hate myself and i will never be happy And i will never feel normal Don't ask me is this line is about you What do they do there tonite tonite? Why do they go there alright alright? Why do they live there tonite tonite? And why do they live at all alright alright? Dear God, i hate myself Dear God, i hate myself And i will never be happy And i will never feel normal Why do they live there tonite tonite? And why do they live at all alright alright? Flip off the mirror as protest Who the F-word are you you you? And i will never be happy And i will never feel normal Dear God, i hate myself Dear God, i hate myself
7.
Secret Motel 02:07
L.A. give me some of you L.A. L.A. come to me I've come to you Reduce it to dust All that was a promise Reduce it to dust Oh disintegrate Secrets It's best you not know I'll never tell Push me, i'll never tell Stupid It's best i don't say I won't recall Choke me i won't recall OH I must be insane OhiO Duncical Is the refrain The genius off all the chumps Ding dong Chastity has faded away Du du du du du du du du du Sweetheart It's best you not know I'll never tell Face it, i'll never tell Hush hush It's best i don't say Kill me i won't recall J.S. what is wrong with you J.S.N.M. come to me i'll ruin you Secrets It's best you not know I'll never tell Swearing i'll never tell
8.
Falkland Rd. 03:06
There was never a chance to get away When was it only ever but perverse Why could they take a stone and break your arms There could be nothing worse Except to live Live little girl Sold in slavery Twenty-five men Have their way in you Burned upon the breast With a cigarette Nothing is worse than to be born and live There was someone at home you cared When was there anyone who cared for you Why could they a spoon and break your teeth There could be nothing worse Except to live Live blighted girl Sold in slavery Twenty-five men Have their way in you Burned upon the feet With a cigarette Earth has lost and lost its youth Tomorrow, tomorrow will be no happy days You will die and die and falkland road Your ashes will reek of sweat
9.
Lean against the stove Leave it glowing in the dark Push my hand to the coil It is burnt now Forever Cherry blossoms fall And for a minute there I have the will to live But then the cuckoo cries Hey hey hey hey You constantly aspire To the be the first your pierce Your dagger into fondness It will hurt now Forever Cherry blossoms fall And for a twinkle there I have the will to live But then gomorrah calls "Caterpillar girl Here you are" Cherry blossoms melt And for a weekend there I have the will to go on But then it fades to Pink Pink Pink Pink Pink Pink Pink
10.
Lay down boys, and take a little nap Snow knee-deep in Cumberland Gap Cumberland Gap's a devil of a place Couldn't find water to wash my face Me an' my wife an' my wife's pap Walked all the way from Cumberland Gap Pretty little girl if you don't care I'll leave my demijohn a sittin' right there If it ain't here when I get back I'll raise hell in Cumberland Gap Lay down boys, and take a little rest We'll all wake up in a whippoorwill's nest
11.
You cut her name into your heart You burn his name into your arm Cast out the pig you kiss as love Heaven is closed for now you are alone This too, this too shall pass away This too, this too will pass away Listen, Steven is singing to you The pain of life you wipe away A reason, that fine gray ash shall Recall these days Inquire The serpent To become a rag of a dream Interred You arrive And you wave as if she could care But she can't Nor can you The relinquishing and a flickering Out of loss This too, this too shall pass away This too, this too shall fade away Listen, Steven is singing to us The pain of life you wipe away Perhaps depraved is who you are Why not? Depraved at least you're not alone Overcome by the truth you face that you can't Get up or look up At the moon Without throwing up and it Stay the same all the time Lie and wait It stop again like a bee It will die When it stings you once And its small bee's head will fall off This too, this too shall pass away This pain will pass away Listen, Steven is singing to you The pain of life you wipe away
12.
spelling in bruises "crazy iris" writing out in welts "The morbid iris" Intolerable Incomprehensible You can never earn enough To buy the gun that you want So you photograph the marks But the blood you spite Sputters up up up up Out out out out Up and up Up and up Drafted in a gash "Out of focus iris" Fill up the bath with glass And cover your face In the shroud of impossible feeling In the shroud of impossible feeling In the shroud of the impossible feeling
13.
Immaculata Bored by our mistakes But is that clear to you? Bongo! by now it must be! Honey honey I'm lost Dolly honey I'm lost The ropes are pulled tight The ropes have pulled tighter Oh donkey, i'm lost Consolata The executioner She loves her job Like a pissing jerk-o! The ropes have pulled tight The ropes have pulled tighter Hee haw, hee haw, i'm lost Da da, hatch the egg A bird's nest of joy I'm lost Cupcakeulata, appropriate auto-tune I are as lost as you is Whitey on the moon Honey honey I'm l.o.s.t. P.o.u.r. me! Honey honey Catholics and jews Honey's tomato dummy face Honey's slutty, dopey behind I'm lost I'm lost I'm lost
14.
Boom boom boom boom As you stand above me My hands tied behind my back Bitter yellow wind One leaf lets go Fill my mouth with pee pee Salt your cheeks with kisses A raging sea of daffodil Kiss tears of piss Cast the drum machine aside Devote the wickedness Grab at Satan face to face Fling the MicroKorg to Hell Boom boom boom boom Kiss kiss, piss piss Kiss kiss, piss piss A shining ring of the sky has ended A band of gold drips down my fingers A bandoneon of gold floods across the pampas A shining ring of urea across Iran, across L.A. Oh waft ye yellow feather of the citrine wagtail To be plucked and presented To be drunk and degraded Push it in, push it in Push it

about

Read almost any piece about Xiu Xiu and you'll see words like 'harsh' or 'brutal' — the same words that appear before 'truth' when an unwavering eye is turned on any intimate detail of our lives. Fair descriptions of the themes central to the music, they sit incongruous to the refined, intricate, and beautiful approach taken in crafting the twelve tracks on Xiu Xiu's new album Dear God, I Hate Myself.

The two biggest constants throughout Xiu Xiu's catalog are honesty and evolution. This remains true with Dear God, I Hate Myself as it delivers a look at responsibility, fear, healing, and societal roles wrapped in rich gothic pop music. The sound is still distinctly Xiu Xiu, but Jamie Stewart's vocals are finally effortless paired with vibrant melodies full of subtlety and the distinct sonic accents expected of this anticipated Xiu Xiu release. The result is a record that proves that art can be pop and pop can challenge you to look inside yourself.

Stewart is joined by new full-time band member Angela Seo on piano, synth, and drum programming; with production handled by Jamie and Deerhoof's Greg Saunier. Together they've crafted a fully-grown sound for Dear God, I Hate Myself with elements from Goth and pop that are expertly performed by a crop of brilliant musicians. Saunier himself plays on much of the record as does Ches Smith (John Zorn, Terry Riley, Marc Ribot). Ches supplies timpani, conga and moog along with a broad range of other instrumentation. Deerhoof's John Dieterich is all over a rendition of the traditional folk song 'Cumberland Gap' and Xiu Xiu is even joined by the Immaculata Catholic School Orchestra in Stewart's ode to heartbreak and healing, 'This Too Shall Pass Away (for Freddy).' The title track, one of four songs done primarily on a Nintendo DS, explores the relationship between faith and despair with a layer of commentary provided by the bizarre sounds of the music itself.

Each new Xiu Xiu release has evolved alongside the lives of Jamie Stewart and company. On this record you'll find more intensity and introspection than ever before, but sonically and lyrically it continues to move forward with a subtly new perspective — hyper-focused yet aware of a larger, external picture unfolding. The pace of the record grips you, the music offers layers of detail, and the themes focus on not just the past or stark present but hint towards vespers of the future as well. Dear God, I Hate Myself will challenge you and force you to look inside yourself, but only after you get lost in the music. It's passionate, it's energetic, and it affects you.

Dear God, I Hate Myself is a beautiful piece of humanist art. It's an important addition to the growing body of intelligent music from Xiu Xiu. And it's a brilliant gothic pop record that can stand next to anything.

***

Xiu Xiu's “I Love the Valley, OH!” (from 2004's Fabulous Muscles) came in at #176 on PITCHFORK's “The Top 500 Tracks of the 2000s,” sandwiched between Eminem's “The Real Slim Shady” and “Yeah” by Usher [ft. Lil Jon and Ludacris]!

“this goth pop is brilliantly poignant”
LOUD & QUIET

“Xiu Xiu's knack for grafting lush hooks onto noisy post-rock remains seductive.”
SPIN

“extremely imaginative”
THE NEW YORK TIMES

“Refining and expanding their amalgamation of musical influences, Xiu Xiu have raised the bar for themselves again…The most confidently composed of their career, Women is another blossom from Xiu Xiu's fertile garden of creativity.”
EXCLAIM!

“Love it or hate it, you can't ignore Xiu Xiu. For nearly a decade, the Bay-area art-poppers have been cultivating an original voice among crops of indistinguishable peers. Xiu Xiu's polarizing effect on indie-rock audiences has everything to do with lead songwriter Jamie Stewart's inimitable, often jarring vocal calisthenics, as well as his penchant for the darker of human inclinations…Women As Lovers also serves as a testament to a shifting musical climate.”
MICHIGAN DAILY

“sounding as brilliant and as maddening as ever, tortured and combative, and with a kind of confrontational intimacy that is inimitable”
SALON

THE NEW YORK TIMES
Just When You Sense a Path, a Band Changes Its Course
www.nytimes.com/2006/10/14/arts/music/14xiu.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

“A dazzling showcase of an incredible group.”
PLAN B

credits

released February 23, 2010

Recorded in Oakland, CA and Durham, NC
Mixed by Greg Saunier
Produced by Thee Fallings Out Brose
Design by Joe Stewart
Sticker by J. Morrison
Mastered by Brent Lambert at Kitchen
All songs published by Will It Burn Music BMI (World) & Ediciones Acuarela SGAE (Iberia) Except Cumberland Gap (Traditional)
String and Horn Arrangements by Jamie Stewart

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