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Dear God, I Hate Myself

by Xiu Xiu

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about

Read almost any piece about Xiu Xiu and you'll see words like 'harsh' or 'brutal' — the same words that appear before 'truth' when an unwavering eye is turned on any intimate detail of our lives. Fair descriptions of the themes central to the music, they sit incongruous to the refined, intricate, and beautiful approach taken in crafting the twelve tracks on Xiu Xiu's new album Dear God, I Hate Myself.

The two biggest constants throughout Xiu Xiu's catalog are honesty and evolution. This remains true with Dear God, I Hate Myself as it delivers a look at responsibility, fear, healing, and societal roles wrapped in rich gothic pop music. The sound is still distinctly Xiu Xiu, but Jamie Stewart's vocals are finally effortless paired with vibrant melodies full of subtlety and the distinct sonic accents expected of this anticipated Xiu Xiu release. The result is a record that proves that art can be pop and pop can challenge you to look inside yourself.

Stewart is joined by new full-time band member Angela Seo on piano, synth, and drum programming; with production handled by Jamie and Deerhoof's Greg Saunier. Together they've crafted a fully-grown sound for Dear God, I Hate Myself with elements from Goth and pop that are expertly performed by a crop of brilliant musicians. Saunier himself plays on much of the record as does Ches Smith (John Zorn, Terry Riley, Marc Ribot). Ches supplies timpani, conga and moog along with a broad range of other instrumentation. Deerhoof's John Dieterich is all over a rendition of the traditional folk song 'Cumberland Gap' and Xiu Xiu is even joined by the Immaculata Catholic School Orchestra in Stewart's ode to heartbreak and healing, 'This Too Shall Pass Away (for Freddy).' The title track, one of four songs done primarily on a Nintendo DS, explores the relationship between faith and despair with a layer of commentary provided by the bizarre sounds of the music itself.

Each new Xiu Xiu release has evolved alongside the lives of Jamie Stewart and company. On this record you'll find more intensity and introspection than ever before, but sonically and lyrically it continues to move forward with a subtly new perspective — hyper-focused yet aware of a larger, external picture unfolding. The pace of the record grips you, the music offers layers of detail, and the themes focus on not just the past or stark present but hint towards vespers of the future as well. Dear God, I Hate Myself will challenge you and force you to look inside yourself, but only after you get lost in the music. It's passionate, it's energetic, and it affects you.

Dear God, I Hate Myself is a beautiful piece of humanist art. It's an important addition to the growing body of intelligent music from Xiu Xiu. And it's a brilliant gothic pop record that can stand next to anything.

***

Xiu Xiu's “I Love the Valley, OH!” (from 2004's Fabulous Muscles) came in at #176 on PITCHFORK's “The Top 500 Tracks of the 2000s,” sandwiched between Eminem's “The Real Slim Shady” and “Yeah” by Usher [ft. Lil Jon and Ludacris]!

“this goth pop is brilliantly poignant”
LOUD & QUIET

“Xiu Xiu's knack for grafting lush hooks onto noisy post-rock remains seductive.”
SPIN

“extremely imaginative”
THE NEW YORK TIMES

“Refining and expanding their amalgamation of musical influences, Xiu Xiu have raised the bar for themselves again…The most confidently composed of their career, Women is another blossom from Xiu Xiu's fertile garden of creativity.”
EXCLAIM!

“Love it or hate it, you can't ignore Xiu Xiu. For nearly a decade, the Bay-area art-poppers have been cultivating an original voice among crops of indistinguishable peers. Xiu Xiu's polarizing effect on indie-rock audiences has everything to do with lead songwriter Jamie Stewart's inimitable, often jarring vocal calisthenics, as well as his penchant for the darker of human inclinations…Women As Lovers also serves as a testament to a shifting musical climate.”
MICHIGAN DAILY

“sounding as brilliant and as maddening as ever, tortured and combative, and with a kind of confrontational intimacy that is inimitable”
SALON

THE NEW YORK TIMES
Just When You Sense a Path, a Band Changes Its Course
www.nytimes.com/2006/10/14/arts/music/14xiu.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

“A dazzling showcase of an incredible group.”
PLAN B

credits

released 23 February 2010

Recorded in Oakland, CA and Durham, NC
Mixed by Greg Saunier
Produced by Thee Fallings Out Brose
Design by Joe Stewart
Sticker by J. Morrison
Mastered by Brent Lambert at Kitchen
All songs published by Will It Burn Music BMI (World) & Ediciones Acuarela SGAE (Iberia) Except Cumberland Gap (Traditional)
String and Horn Arrangements by Jamie Stewart

www.killrockstars.com
www.xiuxiu.org

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Track Name: Gray Death
Beat beat me to death i said it
Beat beat me to death
Grey death beat me
Jimmy is begging
If you are expecting consolation
I will become outrageous
If you expect me to be outrageous
I will be extra outrageous
Chew the corner off your mouth
You have never liked the taste
Beat beat me to death i said it
Beat beat me to death
Grey death beat me
Jimmy is crying
You were beautiful when i loved you
My little bank robbing boy
You were beautiful when i lost you
Like whip covered in pins and glue
When will it end oh when will it end
This sopping wet towel of stupidity
Supplicated to the fawn
Fold back my pajama sleeves
Take a look at what i have done
You can protect nothing
Beat beat me to death i said it
Beat beat me to death
Grey death beat me
Jimmy is in flames
Beat beat me to death i said it
Beat beat me to death
Jimmy is aborted
Track Name: Chocolate Makes You Happy
Chocolate makes you happy
And it keeps you awake
As you unbutton
Your top pants button
Bewildered by the pain oh oh oh
Chocolate makes you happy
As you deign to sing along
When you thrust two fingers
Down your throat and
Wash away what's wrong
Oh oh oh
Out of your mind with happiness
Incredibly dumb, incredibly ugly
To have die the one you await for
All that you sign all that you sign
And wait for
Out of your mind with whorishness
Incredibly young, incredibly filthy
Oh to curse both your life and death
Oh to curse life, oh to curse life
And death!
Chocolate makes you happy
And it keeps you awake
As you unbutton
Your top pants button
Bewildered by the pain oh oh oh
Chocolate makes you happy
Like a credit to the race
As you ruminate in the arms of coco
On the fatness of your face
Out of you mind with slavishness
Rough close and cold
Rough close and cold
To have die that one you await for
All that you sign, blush, wish and pray for
Out of you mind embarrassment
Out of you mind
Out of your mind
Out of your mind out of
Chocolate makes you happy
And it keeps you awake
As you unbutton
Your elaborate garter
Bewildered by desire
Track Name: Apple For A Brain
An apple for a brain
A bee for a best man
A panda is yourself
And you holding Butter's hand
Oh yeah yeah yeah
When and why is it us?
Bearing thy cross of shame
Lu lu lu lu lu
Lu lu lu lu lu
Sha la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la
So hideous for a boy
So hideous on a boy
I wanted to forget
So ugly for a boy
Dispraise for what i am
A cartoon with no friends
Oh yeah yeah yeah
Lu lu lu lu lu
Lu lu lu lu lu
Sha la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la
When and why is it us?
Bearing thy cross of shame
So hideous for a boy
So hideous on a boy
I wanted to forget
Pandapple spoke to me
Pandapple called my name
So ugly for a boy
Track Name: House Sparrow
Defrock human
No one stole you
Day light murder
From your front room
Distilled violent
Keep safe
Please God!
I got away pedophile
I made it into my own little
Christian school
Flung far thy serial will to kill
I got away i got away
Drip drip spatter
Sparkle glasses
Decayed panties
Grow up and be good!
I got away lustmord
I made it into my own little
Sacramento
Flung far thy thick unconvertible need
I got away i got away
I got away pedophile
I made it into my own little
Christian school
Flung far thy serial will to kill
I got away i got away
I got out Richard Chase
I made it to my pink and padlocked door
Flung far your thirst to destroy me
I got away i got away
Track Name: Hyunhye's Theme
Reading law at your desk
Praying for your parents
They are so proud of this

You are working so hard
All alone at your desk
Obligated to free them

Labor concern as a good girl
You curse the night that is calling
Labor in doubt as a good girl

Seo seo seo seo
Seo seo seo seo seo

Love to diaspora
De life en le valley oh oh oh oh oh

You are working so hard
Sitting still at your desk
Pusan weighing upon you

Fending off all distress
Glitter for your parents
Hoping in discount clothing

Seo seo seo
Seo seo seo
Seo seo seo
Seo seo seo

Finding the slacks you will fit in
Wearing the shoes that you'll look good in

Overwhelmed at your desk
Weeping for your parents
They are so proud of this

Shining in ambition
All alone all alone all alone
Track Name: Dear God, I Hate Myself
despair will hold a place in my heart
a bigger one that you do do do
and i will always be nicer to the cat
than i am to you you you you
dear God, i hate myself
dear God, i hate myself
and i will never be happy
And i will never feel normal
Don't ask me is this line is about you
What do they do there tonite tonite?
Why do they go there alright alright?
Why do they live there tonite tonite?
And why do they live at all alright alright?
Dear God, i hate myself
Dear God, i hate myself
And i will never be happy
And i will never feel normal
Why do they live there tonite tonite?
And why do they live at all alright alright?
Flip off the mirror as protest
Who the F-word are you you you?
And i will never be happy
And i will never feel normal
Dear God, i hate myself
Dear God, i hate myself
Track Name: Secret Motel
L.A. give me some of you
L.A. L.A. come to me
I've come to you
Reduce it to dust
All that was a promise
Reduce it to dust
Oh disintegrate
Secrets
It's best you not know
I'll never tell
Push me, i'll never tell
Stupid
It's best i don't say
I won't recall
Choke me i won't recall
OH
I must be insane
OhiO
Duncical
Is the refrain
The genius off all the chumps
Ding dong
Chastity has faded away
Du du du du du du du du du
Sweetheart
It's best you not know
I'll never tell
Face it, i'll never tell
Hush hush
It's best i don't say
Kill me i won't recall
J.S. what is wrong with you
J.S.N.M. come to me i'll ruin you
Secrets
It's best you not know
I'll never tell
Swearing i'll never tell
Track Name: Falkland Rd.
There was never a chance to get away
When was it only ever but perverse
Why could they take a stone and break your arms
There could be nothing worse
Except to live
Live little girl
Sold in slavery
Twenty-five men
Have their way in you
Burned upon the breast
With a cigarette
Nothing is worse than to be born and live
There was someone at home you cared
When was there anyone who cared for you
Why could they a spoon and break your teeth
There could be nothing worse
Except to live
Live blighted girl
Sold in slavery
Twenty-five men
Have their way in you
Burned upon the feet
With a cigarette
Earth has lost and lost its youth
Tomorrow, tomorrow will be no happy days
You will die and die and falkland road
Your ashes will reek of sweat
Track Name: The Fabrizio Palumbo Retaliation
Lean against the stove
Leave it glowing in the dark
Push my hand to the coil
It is burnt now
Forever
Cherry blossoms fall
And for a minute there
I have the will to live
But then the cuckoo cries
Hey hey hey hey
You constantly aspire
To the be the first your pierce
Your dagger into fondness
It will hurt now
Forever
Cherry blossoms fall
And for a twinkle there
I have the will to live
But then gomorrah calls
"Caterpillar girl
Here you are"
Cherry blossoms melt
And for a weekend there
I have the will to go on
But then it fades to
Pink
Pink
Pink
Pink
Pink
Pink
Pink
Track Name: Cumberland Gap
Lay down boys, and take a little nap
Snow knee-deep in Cumberland Gap

Cumberland Gap's a devil of a place
Couldn't find water to wash my face

Me an' my wife an' my wife's pap
Walked all the way from Cumberland Gap

Pretty little girl if you don't care
I'll leave my demijohn a sittin' right there

If it ain't here when I get back
I'll raise hell in Cumberland Gap

Lay down boys, and take a little rest
We'll all wake up in a whippoorwill's nest
Track Name: This Too Shall Pass Away (For Freddy)
You cut her name into your heart
You burn his name into your arm
Cast out the pig you kiss as love
Heaven is closed for now you are alone
This too, this too shall pass away
This too, this too will pass away
Listen, Steven is singing to you
The pain of life you wipe away
A reason, that fine gray ash shall
Recall these days
Inquire
The serpent
To become a rag of a dream
Interred
You arrive
And you wave as if she could care
But she can't
Nor can you
The relinquishing and a flickering
Out of loss
This too, this too shall pass away
This too, this too shall fade away
Listen, Steven is singing to us
The pain of life you wipe away
Perhaps depraved is who you are
Why not?
Depraved at least you're not alone
Overcome by the truth you face that you can't
Get up or look up
At the moon
Without throwing up and it
Stay the same all the time
Lie and wait
It stop again like a bee
It will die
When it stings you once
And its small bee's head will fall off
This too, this too shall pass away
This pain will pass away
Listen, Steven is singing to you
The pain of life you wipe away
Track Name: Impossible Feeling
spelling in bruises
"crazy iris"
writing out in welts
"The morbid iris"
Intolerable
Incomprehensible
You can never earn enough
To buy the gun that you want
So you photograph the marks
But the blood you spite
Sputters up up up up
Out out out out
Up and up
Up and up
Drafted in a gash
"Out of focus iris"
Fill up the bath with glass
And cover your face
In the shroud of impossible feeling
In the shroud of impossible feeling
In the shroud of the impossible feeling
Track Name: The Ropes Have Pulled Tight (Bonus)
Immaculata
Bored by our mistakes
But is that clear to you?
Bongo! by now it must be!
Honey honey
I'm lost
Dolly honey
I'm lost
The ropes are pulled tight
The ropes have pulled tighter
Oh donkey, i'm lost
Consolata
The executioner
She loves her job
Like a pissing jerk-o!
The ropes have pulled tight
The ropes have pulled tighter
Hee haw, hee haw, i'm lost
Da da, hatch the egg
A bird's nest of joy
I'm lost
Cupcakeulata, appropriate auto-tune
I are as lost as you is
Whitey on the moon
Honey honey
I'm l.o.s.t.
P.o.u.r. me!
Honey honey
Catholics and jews
Honey's tomato dummy face
Honey's slutty, dopey behind
I'm lost
I'm lost
I'm lost
Track Name: Cute Pee Pee (Bonus)
Boom boom boom boom
As you stand above me
My hands tied behind my back
Bitter yellow wind
One leaf lets go

Fill my mouth with pee pee
Salt your cheeks with kisses
A raging sea of daffodil
Kiss tears of piss

Cast the drum machine aside
Devote the wickedness
Grab at Satan face to face
Fling the MicroKorg to Hell
Boom boom boom boom

Kiss kiss, piss piss
Kiss kiss, piss piss

A shining ring of the sky has ended
A band of gold drips down my fingers
A bandoneon of gold floods across the pampas
A shining ring of urea across Iran, across L.A.

Oh waft ye yellow feather of the citrine wagtail
To be plucked and presented
To be drunk and degraded

Push it in, push it in
Push it